mistake: changing who I am/was

I’ve never been called a type A personality until I entered nursing school. Getting ready for nursing school I had checklists. As I was preparing for nursing school, I made spreadsheets with different columns: schools, applications, transcripts, letters of recommendations, fees, acceptance/rejection, . . . and the list goes on. I photographed the envelopes and the contents before sending them off to the schools. Finally, time after time of applying, I was accepted by two, rejected by two, and waitlisted by two schools. I chose the highest degree – that was the determining factor. While in nursing school, I was scared – didn’t think I would make it. Created more checklists at every level to ensure all of the assignments were completed on time and ready for the examinations. I sacrificed my life, my relationships, my friends, my family, my career, my body, my health, my mind, my eyes . . . all for nursing school. I didn’t have a life. Relationships failed. Friendships ceased. Family lost. Career on hold. Body suffered. Health botched. Mind succeeded. Eyes deteriorated. While in nursing school, I changed. I changed into someone I didn’t exactly like – I did things of which I’m not proud, said things I didn’t mean, didn’t think of others, only thought of my success, and more. I’m done with thinking success and my future is more important than the present.
Would I change my priorities? Would I do things differently? Would I put my life on hold if I had the time to do differently? Honestly, I don’t want to do it again. It was hard enough and I don’t wish it on anyone. However, I can say that I did it. Am I happy the way things turned out? Yes, I’m happy that I passed with a competitive GPA. I am thrilled that I never have to take the NCLEX again. I can’t change the past, I can learn from it and move forward. If I decide to go back to school to obtain a specialty degree or pursue higher education, I will take what I learned from this round and apply it to the next.


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