rambling ‘ber

my mind goes a mile a minute when I’m not doing anything; sometimes this is a good thing and sometimes it is a bad thing; I think about how I could have done things differently; if I would have acted differently; if I would have answered a question using different words- sometimes more words, sometimes less words; wish I wasn’t too critical of the situation at hand; I can’t control what happens to me, however, I can control my response to it; I want to be more aware of my reaction; I want to be able to lengthen the time between the event and my reaction; I don’t think I’ve done this very well in the past couple of days, weeks, months, or years; I wish I didn’t let the actions of others have such an effect on me; I think I’m much more sensitive than others perceive me to be; in the past couple of months- I have cried more times than I have in probably all of the years of my life; I have been living life differently and have been made aware of many of my mistakes; it’s hard to come to this realization; I no longer want surface relationships- I want real, deep, meaningful relationships; this also means that my list of close circle of friends will be short; however, I can handle this because I know I will be able to count on them in any event; with all things being said, whatever happens in my life is thanks to God: I can’t do/say anything that is not in line with His will for my life; one time I went into an interview with a beanie on- I got the job; another time, I nailed an interview, dressed the part, followed all of the rules, but was not offered the position; another time, I was offered the position 5 minutes into the interview based on the first question I answered; again- none of this is my doing, it was because this is God’s will for my life; at times it’s more difficult to accept this than at other times; please pray!

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