mistake: not reveling in the unpredictable

I’ve been guilty of always wanting to be in control and if something is out of my control I either don’t like it by responding inappropriately and/or getting upset. Some people call it ‘being organized’ when in reality it’s a control issue.

When I’m out and about – I get ‘scared’ or ‘caught off guard’ when I see someone I know that I’m not expecting to see. I don’t properly greet them – I probably just shrug them off – giving them to wrong impression of me. I think this is because I’m not in control. I don’t expect them – I don’t greet them. I did this once when I saw a co-worker while running errands. She said ‘Hi”, we made eye contact, and I went on my way. I made it awkward by not staying and creating conversation.

Change is uncomfortable. Change is necessary. Help me change.

It’s ironic how at some points in my life I really enjoy not knowing what is going to happen. When I was in Australia/New Zealand – I ‘organized’ the places where I was going to lay my head at night while traveling with a companion. Then when the time came for me to travel as one – I rarely made plans! The first day that wasn’t planned – I got scared. I cried. I called home. After realizing, I was going to live, plans fell by the wayside and I enjoyed not knowing where to lay my head at night. The remainder of the solo trip, I didn’t ‘make plans’. However, when a companion was with me – an agenda came to be!


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